Sorry I have been away! (speaks to self) I spent a small getaway with my partner and we adventured to visit family in California!

The trip lasted about 4-5 days, and it was the most fun celebration I have had in years.

We went to California to visit my biological family and it was so much fun! We didn’t really do much but spend time with my cousins, met new family members I have never met before, and was just happy and joyful for it all.

This time we did not spend Christmas Eve or Day with my in-laws and it was the biggest relief ever.

“Why didn’t you celebrate with your in-laws this year?”

Long story short: I am not welcomed because I stand up for myself and I refuse to be an obedient dog.

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Because I spent time with my family this year, I didn’t want to leave. I felt so happy and I didn’t realize that I was so loved and cared for by so many people. It reminded me why I am still here, what I have to live for, and who I can turn to when things are very hard. I have not felt like I have had that support here at home.

Some of my in-laws wanted to have a celebration with my partner and I, and it was good. Did I feel the same love and appreciation and care from them like I do from my biological family?

No.

I don’t know what it is. I think the main reason for the trip was to get away from the mean people in my life and I did that successfully, but now I don’t ever want to return to deal with them. I spent so much time forcing a bond with my in-laws that literally hate me that I forgot how easy it is to just have a warm and welcome bond that comes naturally.

I feel ashamed.

No one wants to celebrate the way we do, they do it because of me. We are all forced to be split and pushed to celebrate separately and sometimes we are just not allowed to come and celebrate regardless of what others feel.

I don’t want to tear an entire family apart so I try to separate myself but at this point there is nothing else to do to repair things. I was willing to turn the other cheek; to let the past be the past. But I know that others feel that the world was only made for them rather than allowing others they don’t like to enter.

Anyways, here are some wonderful pictures I took from California.

As the new year is creeping right around the corner, I have lots of new things I need to change that my family has made me realize that I was too afraid to come to terms with.

Need to start on my new years resolutions. Maybe my next post will be that?